Growing up to be adults, it is not easy handling all the life challenges thrown at us. Sometimes, we need avenues to let ourselves go and not dwell on the circumstances of life. In fact, by having fun should be a priority in life, no matter the commitments or responsibilities you have to bear.
Stress can come in many ways: from the people surrounding us and the situations that keeps us on our toes. For young adults, I believe that the main sources of stress are from daily responsibilities, pressure from work, personal finances, inability to pursue your life’s passion, relationship with yourself and others, commitments and etc. Therefore, finding ways to de-stress are essential to maintain a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.
1. Enjoying your work
When you are stuck in a job that you are not passionate about, it can take a toll on your mental health. You have only one life to live, and you are able to control your own happiness. If you believe you entrepreneurial skills, just start your own business and work on what you believe in. Essentially, you will feel happier if you have pursued your passion compared to working on a dead-end job to run in the rat race.
On the other hand, if you wish to climb up the corporate ladder, don’t let the nay-sayers tear you down. Do what you must and believe in your capabilities. Your stress levels might increase here but as long as you love what you do, the possibilities are endless. One day, you might just get the promotion you have been longing for.
Each person have their own ways to de-stress and relax. It depends on which methods suits you and what you enjoy doing most. For some people, exercising is their go-to way of releasing stress. Playing sports such as badminton, football, joining marathons, dancing; as long as it keeps the heart pumping, you are definitely on the road to a happier and healthier life!
There are a group of people who loves socialising with friends during weekends to have a good time. Having friends who can listen to your woes and troubles, getting a drink or two while having a good laugh about it will definitely bring up your endorphins. Sometimes, good friends are able to lift up your moods and prepare you for a great week ahead.
3. Learn to say No
Know your strengths and also your limits. If you know that there is so much work that you can bear and your superiors are still piling up work for you, just say no. You have the right to control thr things you do. Don’t overwork yourself and stretch yourself thin just to impresd your bosses. It is not healthy in the long run. You may set a pattern for increased workload and one day you will burn out due to this. Therefore, it is crucial to learn to turn down the things that you are not able to do within stipulated time. Ask for an extension or ask another colleague to help you. Delegation is key. As long as you have a good balance between work and personal life, you are set for a stress-free lifestyle for the years to come!
To summarise it all, you need to enjoy what you do, finding your ways to relax and also to manage your workload to de-stress from the life challenges that are bound to happen. What are your ways of de-stressing?
It is apparent that people with weaker personalities or of soft-spoken nature tend to be bullied by aggressive personalities. Sometimes, this kind of clashes in personality causes friction between people and may harm one’s emotional, physical and mental health.
There are many forms of bullying, such as intimidation, threats, physical violence, verbal blanters, manipulation, guilt-tripping, sexual harassment, cyberbullying, public shaming and the list goes on. I believe that everyone has received forms of bullying in their lifetime and it does shape an individual’s perspective of life and also their environments.
It is great if these tactical bullying does not bother you, however, I believe that the thought does linger in your mind. For example, is XXX right about me? Am I really such a person?
Thoughts like this does damage your self-esteem and self-worth. In fact, I believe that people who have been victims of severe bullying tend to become bullies themselves. It is a vicious cycle that will never end.
So where does bullying take place? Well, it can happen literally anywhere. From schools, social circles, workplace, family, religious groups, on the road, events and so on.
Therefore, I would like to share some insights on the methods to deal with bullies and their tricks.
Firstly, learn to say no. SAY NO to bullshit and unreasonable demands. Do not tolerate bad behaviour, unwelcomed criticisms, shoutings, slamming of objects and non-verbal intimidations. You have the right to lead your life with dignity and respect. No one deserves to be disrespected; unless respect is not earned.
Bullies seem to feel good after making another feel small. Why is that so? If anyone has any idea on this, please do enlighten me. Does it feel great to make another feel worthless? Are you that shallow of a person to feel masculine after emasculating another? Just to put this thought out there.
Next, put your foot down and lay the ground rules. In fact, communication is key in some stituations. Know your limits and also your tolerance level. If there is so much that you can take, do stand up for yourself. Speak up towards the bully and make your stand clear. Do not show any signs of fear (even if you are shaking internally), just look them in the eye and make sure they understand clearly that you do not tolerate disrespect.
In cases where you think that the bullying is getting out of hand, it is advisable to seek for help from a senior or a trusted person. If you believe that the bully has no ends to their insults and intimidation, it is a good idea to look for back-up.
From my personal experience, I’ve witness bullying taking place in front of my eyes. It was a verbal intimidation between a salaryman and a computer technician. The salaryman was shouting at the technician as the technician was not in the position to solve his PC problems. The verbal slurs throwed at the computer technician was so rude and belittling, I couldn’t even believe my ears! In the end, this guy brought his supervisor over to talk sense to the salaryman. The supervisor gave it back to him and told him off. Justice was served and I found it fascinating when the salaryman had to apologise in the end. But bear in mind, this is only a short-term solution before the person goes back to their original ways.
This leads me to my next point, stay away from them. Bullies are detrimental to a person’s self-esteem. Stay as far away as possible, if you can. The pattern will continue to unfold if you allow them a 24/7 access pass to your life. I believe that a person’s personality do not change that much, well at least their basic characteristics still remains. So do not trust a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. Do what is best for you and mix with people who are worthy of your time. This applies for workplace situations too. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, try to stick it out first. But as I’ve mentioned, know your tolerance level, know when enough is enough.
To sum it up, these are the basic steps to deal with bullies and to overcome your fear of them. There are plenty other ways to handle such situation as well, but it really depends on timing and other circumstances. What are your thoughts on dealing with bullies?
“Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside of us, we always have a choice. It is our choices that makes us who we are, and we always have a choice to do what’s right ~ Let love and forgiveness reign.” – Peter Parker
I’ve rewatched Spiderman 3 yesterday and this quote inspired me the most. Hope it inspires you too.
I’ll be writing something a little different today; something closer to my heart and my current state of mind.
Every person in this planet has a life path to follow or a destiny for them to carve, piece by piece. Some are meant for something greater, to make a difference in their own lives and the lives of others. And some, just co-exist or are pests to society. In short, we as human beings need to have a purpose in life. With this purpose in life, it gives people the need for action, the drive to suceed and the wanting to create something that impacts people. But not everyone has the privilege of knowing what their ‘purpose’ in life actually is. And does it matter, really?
In fact, this lack of purpose is the one thing that leads to depression, sadness, lost of hope; all of these negative thoughts – the will to continue living.
From my personal experience, I have been trying to find my purpose in life since my adolescent years. All the ‘whys and hows’ start to pop up. ‘Why am I here on Earth? What am I meant to be? Where do I see myself in 10 years time? How do I get there?’
At times, these are the questions that challenge me to step out of my comfort zone to try something different. Something that will eventually lead me to my ‘purpose’ in life. However, after years of trying to figure my life out and hopefully putting everything into order, nothing really seemed to go as planned. This is when I’ve come to a realization – to live is a purpose, to question life is a purpose, to set short and long-term goals for myself, is a purpose.
There is no way to predict the future and determine my purpose in life. But I can definitely mold my present situation to determine my future; to make sure that my past self is someone that I can be proud of. So here, I’d like to share a few tips on being in the present moment that leads you to your true purpose in life.
1. Power of choice
As human beings, we have a power of choice. From these choices that we make, it either makes us happy about that choice or regret for the rest of our lives. Sometimes it is a gamble to set on one choice and make it a decision. But it is a risk that we must take to move forward in our lives. For example, you have the power of choice to choose the friends you would like to surround yourself with. You have the power of choice to choose how you treat people and yourself. This is the point I would like to stress upon, life is a choice. You make that decision and you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. So make your power of choice a good one.
Nowadays people scatter their energies into different avenues – social life, family, entertainment, luxuries etc. It is hard to pause for a second to think through what life is about and where you are heading. It is advisable to take some time for self-reflection everyday in order to stay in the present moment and not let your life slip by. Close your eyes, think through all the choices you have made on the day, the week, month and even a whole year. ‘Do you feel proud of the events of your life? The choices you have made for yourself or for others? Is there something that you would like to change? Is there something that you think that you can do better in the future?’ Learn to know yourself better and do not fear the emotions boiling inside of you. It is better to know yourself inside out to fully understand your purpose in life and to be the best version of who you can be.
3. Travel alone
Sometimes, you don’t get the necessary inspiration when you are confined to the four corners of your bedroom wall. Being stifled in your own home is a real thing. No matter how loving your family is or however beautiful your home may be, just get out and explore the world! You will never truly get to know yourself if you are not challenged by new environments, new people and new changes in your life. Travelling alone is a great way to do some soul-searching on your own. From there, you get to think about your life choices thoroughly without the influence from your family and friends. You will find the real you, trust me on this. If you are afraid of going out on this big adventure on your own, fear not! You may bring your trusted travel buddy or even travel with your group of friends. The most important thing is to understand that life is ever-changing and to know that there is more out there in the world that your eyes can physically envision. The good and the bad. Take time to immerse it all.
Motivation comes in small and large doses too. It does not happen naturally, but when it comes to you, you’ll feel it. Some people are internally motivated. They set goals for themselves to achieve within a certain period of time. It does not have be in a large scale, but something that you think challenges you to be a better person. For example, waking up at 6am every morning. Going for vocational classes to improve your skill sets. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals or even people from different walks of life who can propel you to success. These internal motivations are able to give purpose to your life, make your day shine a little brighter and also to fuel your inner drive to attain the goals you’ve set for yourself.
As for others, it could be external motivation that gives purpose to one’s life. For example, it could be making your first $1 million by 25 years old. Getting a first-class degree from a renowned university. Driving a luxurious sports car. Having the partner of your dreams. Becoming the next Richard Branson. Owning your own empire and retiring by 50, perhaps? You name it, these are the external motivations for you. I believe most of us are the combination of both, well I definitely am. It is how we turn these motivations into actions, that is the the thing that matters most.
Therefore, I’d recommend you not to despair if you find that you lack purpose in life. Thinking really hard on which career you should choose, whether to switch jobs, knowing whether you are in the right university course or to find that right life path to follow. Know that it is all within you. All you need to remember are these 4 tips: power of choice, self-reflection, travel and motivation. That and also a bit of time on your hands. If you are currently struggling to find that purpose within you, please do not worry too much and stress yourself about it. Practise these few steps you are already on your way to leading a purposeful life!
If you have any experiences to share regarding this topic, do comment in the comment section below or send me a message.
In our lives, we meet various people from all walks of life at different times. These meetings can turn into lifelong friendships and possibly a potential romance, while others, are just like passerbys; they fade off after several chance meetings. Friendships are tricky – either you click or you don’t. Both of you might have similar interests or circle of friends, but if there isn’t a general compatibility or you don’t get along on the same wavelength, things might turn out sour as well.
I can’t offer much thought on multiple groups of friendships and the different types of people you will meet in life. But all I can say is that my friendship circle is small but tight. If you are considered my friend, you’ve earned a spot in my heart. Well, these are the ideal situations of having trustable confidantes in a friendship circle.
Despite having friends as our companions in life, making the journey more worthwhile, fun and exciting, there are times where we meet people who aren’t good for us – bad hats, I call them. Some may act as a friend in disguise, especially those who do not have your interest at heart. Some may blatantly spread rumours about you to feel good about themselves. Others just do not want to be associated with you in your presence. You get the point. In life, we need to learn to navigate around such people and the ways to deal with them appropriately. Most of the time through trial and error, maybe a straight-up confrontation or even cutting all points of contact from them to give ourselves a peace of mind. Each individual has their own ways of dealing with toxic friends and each to their own. This will be an opinion piece so do share your thoughts if you agree or disagree with the methods stated below.
1. Remove them from Social Media
This depends on the severity of your disagreements and level of friendship. If this person have hurt you in any form, physically, mentally or even verbally. Do not think twice, just cut them out from your lives. In this era of tech and gadgets, it is hard to disassociate yourself from someone as you are virtually tied to your “friends” on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and other social media platforms. Eventhough you are able to gradually meet-up with them less frequently in real life, it is best to disconnect from them ‘socially’ to avoid further harm to be bestowed on you. Do note that this method does not apply to minor rifts you have with a long-time friend who has been through thick and thin with you. It is aimed towards people whom you think have the intention to harm you, belittle you or make you feel subpar to themselves.
2. Wish them well and move on
If this person is someone that you barely know, just know that it is better to leave with clean slate and let bygones be bygones. It is not worth holding a grudge against someone whom you do not know well. However, if the person whom you are planning to cut contact from is a person from your past. Someone whom you hold so dearly to you heart, a friend you thought as more of a family member. The feelings of betrayal will sting even harder. There are a two ways to go about this, neither one wrong or right. Find closure with the said person, figure out whether this friendship is worth keeping and whether the harm done to you is forgivable or intentional. Second chances do work in certain cases. If you think that the friendship is not worth salvaging and the scar left on you is too deep to even comprehend, learn to move on. It is difficult to have someone around who keeps reminding you of the emotional and physical trauma that affected your wellbeing, what more if this person is still present in your life and possibly, continuing the pattern of toxicity.
1. Dwell on the “what-ifs”
“What if she was forced to do that? The things she did to me?” “What if he changes his ways?” “What if I didn’t do enough for them?” Giving them the benefit of the doubt will only spur you into a spiral of confusion. Once you try to explain a person’s behavior for the things they have done, you might just be fooling yourself. It may be hard to let go of people who played a huge part in your life, but after being hurt time and time again, know that it is time to let go. Cut away from all the negativity and potential emotional breakdowns that you may face.
As the saying goes, when a door closes, a window opens. You have many opportunities to meet new people and bring them into your life. Find those who hold the same values as you do and ones who are able to support you throughout life, not ones who tear your confidence down. Let the friendship take its own course and never rush it. Those who cherish you will love you for your quirks, personality flaws and even confront you when you are acting out. Those are the friends worth keeping, don’t settle for any less.
2. Beat yourself about it
Know that people come and go in our lives. Some stay longer than the others. It is difficult to maintain friendships as millenials are known to have busy schedules, running from one corner of the earth to another. Learn to differentiate your close friends, good friends and also the fair-weather friends, not forgetting the friends who use you for their own benefit. You don’t have feel guilty for letting go of people who are somewhat, a parasite in your life. It is better to live off without them for the sake of your well-being, of-course. It may sound cold-blooded, in some ways insensitive to the other individual, but it is necessary to let go of toxic people to gain a peace of mind. You do not need someone gossiping about you when you aren’t around while giving you the cheek smile when both of you are in contact. It just defeats the purpose of having friends, really. I believe that the people you surround yourself with influences your character, values and lifestyle. Therefore, it is not healthy to have people who takes advantage of you, to remain in your friend group – take a deep breath and let the person go. Don’t allow toxic people to guilt-trip you into thinking that you’re the odd one for doing so.
Do you have any experiences of meeting toxic people in your lives and too scared to brush them off? Let me know in the comment section below.
Why am I not good enough? Why is he smarter than me? Is she prettier than me? I wish I was her.
These thought will probably run through your mind at least once in your lifetime, provided you are a person with low self-esteem. Don’t worry, know that it is not wrong to compare yourself to someone whom you admire or a person whom you think is doing greater good than you are. The thing is, what happens after?
Do you feel a rush of emotions – jealousy, hatred, insecurity?
As I lay these thoughts in your mind for a few seconds, let me explain the root of the cause and also the ways for you to tackle it.
Insecurity usually stems from your past experiences from childhood, adolescence till adulthood, whichever stage of life you are in right now. Let’s say, if you were told that you were not good enough as a child and needed to be better, like James who scored higher in Maths in class. This causes you to think. Are my results not good enough? Must I be better than him to get the praises and the approval of my parents and teachers?
Well, definitely you can view it as a form of healthy competition. But imagine if this were brought into adulthood, we will have a generation of insecure and competitive people living among us. For example, Diana and James have been in a relationship for 5 years. Throughout their years of being together, Diana is achieving her career goals more easily compared James and is out-earning him. James, well, is still with his mediocre salary and a slow job progression. How do you think James feels if he is a person with low self-confidence?
Will he be happy for Diana, as both of them are a healthy loving couple? Or will he find solutions to increase his monthly wages? Another scenario is that he will become someone who is dependant on Diana for financial support. There are many possibilities, and it all boils down to one such behavior – insecurity (and a hint of ego speaking here).
In our current society, I believe that there are not many platforms that discuss such issues as it may be somewhat of a taboo or just an uncomfortable issue to be brought out during your dinner conversations with family and friends.
So, here I am bringing light on this topic – insecurity. Knowing that most of the younger generation (teens to young adults) face insecurities in life – with friends, with lovers and even with family. So here are 3 things to remember when the feeling of insecurity bubbles up in you:
1. Stop comparing
Once you realise that these emotions are building up inside you, stop for a moment and reflect on your current situation. Take a deep breath and let it out. Learn to be happy for the other person. Instead of asking the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’, just say ‘you did a great job’ ‘I’m proud of you’ or ‘I admire what you did’.
Remember that life is not a competition. Everyone needs to run their own race and each individual have different values of time. Some people might have more time than the other while some has less time. You can’t compare an apple to an orange, hence knowing that you just need to be the best version of yourself will bring you to greater heights than ever before.
2. Fill yourself with knowledge
Take some time to read in a day; 30 minutes, at least. Feeling insecure usually derives from the lack of a certain skill, trait or ability you wish to have in yourself. Therefore, you need to furnish yourself with the information your mind craves or the knowledge that motivates you to be a better you. A way to tackle insecurity is to read motivational books, newspapers, magazines or possibly online articles, blogpost, Instagram quotes or memes, perhaps. With social media at the tip of your fingers, do not tell me that such reading material are too far from reach. For starters, filter out the negative and find motivational reading materials that are able to kickstart your day on the right note. Remember to do this daily.
3. Learn gratitude
Yes, you’ve heard it right – gratitude. With gratitude, your feeling of insecurity, jealousness and hatred will be washed away eventually. Be grateful for having an able body, the one that lets you run on rainy days, the eyes that sees the beauty of travelling and the mouth that gives you the pleasure of tasting delicious cuisine. Be grateful of the person you are becoming due to the influence of your family, friends and colleagues. Be grateful for having the wonderful people surrounding your life. Be grateful for your pets. Be grateful that you have a wise head over your shoulders with the big ambitions you have in life. What you think, is what you become. It is definitely true for me! So believe me when I say, you are enough. Don’t let people make you think you aren’t.
These are the 3 things to remember when life gets you down and you are feeling insecure as a result. If you have any other ideas or opinions of dealing with such negative emotions, please do share with me in the comment box below! Thank you for reading, till next time.
As I pen this down, many of you may have already figured out the topic being discussed today. This will be my attempt on providing a safe haven for all who have been through much in their lives, both negative and positive. No matter it has to do with self-image, relationships, family, friends, work and so on. I want to create this space of understanding and acceptance for you. Know that you aren’t on your own. Let’s start.
Depression, immerses you with sadness and despair. I believe that some scientific research also labels it as a mental illness. But somehow, we as humans, don’t get to control our emotions and thought processes. Once it slips into this black hole, you may find it hard to snap out of it and find the positivity in your life. So how do we deal with such monstrosity anyway?
1. Learn to accept and be aware of your feelings
Be aware of your feelings and realise how much this feeling consumes you. It might take a while to identify whether it is just a temporary sadness or actual depression, but hang in there. Know that everyone goes through sadness at one point of their lives. It is how you take that negative feeling and change it into something productive. However, if you think that this sadness is so unbearable that it has brought you to a point where life seems bland, you feel worthless and negativity takes over, remember that it is a phase of life. You acknowledge this feeling, learn to accept that things aren’t moving as smoothly as you’ve wished to, then move on. This is a crucial step because YOU are in control of your feelings and not vice versa.
2. Positive thinking
Some say this is hard to do when you are already dwelling over your past. However, I believe that it all starts from the mind. You have the power to change your mindset and perspective of life. Instead of saying “Why is this happening to me?”, just say “Thank you for giving this life lesson that I will never forget”. Observe your daily interactions with your loved ones, peers and colleagues. If you have negative vibes around you, most likely it will repel people away; even those who genuinely care about you. Though it is easier said than done, it will be a continuous effort to be made throughout life. Take challenges in life as a way to grow and to be wiser than yesterday. Like the saying goes, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonades. *And sell them too 😉
3. Learn to love yourself, flaws and whatnots
Say this with me, “I love being me. There is no one else that I rather be”. Yes, love the aching heart that you hold so closely, love the stretchmarks on your thighs that you scrutinise ever so frequently, love the imperfections on your face that makes you so self-conscious. Love yourself, for who you are and were meant to be. Love yourself. Believe me, when you start loving yourself, you will find that other people’s perspective of you wouldn’t matter as much anymore. Once you do love yourself, know that I love you too. Before you know it, the world loves you too. Once that happens, the next thing is self-improvement. In the event where you know that there are things within your control that you would like to improve on, go for it! Do as your heart desires, the sky is the limit.
4. Be kind to others
Everyone is fighting their own battle, not only you. Once you have mastered your internal thoughts and feelings, don’t forget about the people beside you, your loved ones under the same roof or the people across the globe. Finding the kindness in you is important. Life will not be the same if everyone thinks for themselves only. I have met many kind people along my journey in life and each one of them have made an impact on my personality, in a way or another. In this case, kindness is not something that can be taught through textbooks and articles like this. But if you are currently suffering in some form; mental illness, sickness and negative emotions, know that it takes a lot of courage in your heart to be kind to one another. It doesn’t matter whether it is an insect, animal or a human being. If you are able to do this, it brings you out from your dark space and into a light of compassion and wisdom.
5. Seek for help
If you are staying at home or in your room most of the time, I’d recommend you to keep active and not to isolate yourself. Speak to someone if it makes you feel better. Sometimes, it is better to express your feelings and emotions either through writing, speaking to a family or friend or even calling your local emotional support/suicide hotline. At times where you don’t feel like discussing about your personal problems to someone you know, know that it helps to talk to someone who is able to provide you with the emotional support you need at the moment. In Malaysia, you can call the Befrienders hotline at 60379568145. The person on the other end of the call will not judge your actions and emotions. It is optional to stay as an anonymous caller if you wish too.
6. Stay active and follow your passions
Exercising is a key to happiness. It keeps your heart pumping and it will definitely turn your frown upside down. If you prefer to exercise on your own, go to the gym or join solo sports such as cycling, jogging, running, yoga or even buying a trampoline to jump on at home. For team sports, there are aplenty. Take action and join your local sports team or even sign up for an exercise group where you are able to meet more like-minded people who share a zest for life. If you do so, your mind will automatically shift away from your (first-world) problems *ahem* and transit you to thoughts of the present and future! How wonderful is that? There is much more to life and there is a great deal ahead of you. Life is short and you need to make sure that you live life to the fullest. Find your niche. Know what fuels your drive and passion and keep pursuing it!
There you go. These are the 6 tips to overcoming sadness and depression. If you wish to ask me any questions or share your personal experiences, feel free to drop me a message and I will respond to you as soon as I can. Thank you for reading thus far.